The Day Michael Angelo Was Bored
by XxXUn0r1g1Na1-NaM3XxX
Summary: My longest so far. Another crackfic, which is probably all I'll ever do on this account. Rated T for blood and drug use.


**INFINITE THANKS TO WEEGEE769 FOR WRITING "THE GREAT DORA DEATHRACE" AND INSPIRING ME TO MAKE THIS. GO READ THE GREAT DORA DEATHRACE. DO IT. NOW.**

"Raph?"

"Mikey, I swear, if you're about to say that you're bored again, I am going to put a dagger in your brain, or lack thereof."

"But I'm bored!" Raphael leapt up from the couch and stabbed his sai dagger at Micheal Angelo's face, who dodged it by ducking into his shell. "Mikey has a point. We should do something. I'm bored out of my mind." Said Leonardo. "How about a race? I've been working on a car." Proposed Donatello. "Good idea!" Said Splinter, walking into the room from the kitchen. "I have a car as well."

 **5 HOURS LATER**

"Say hello to the Edgycycle!" Announced Raphael, whipping off a black dust cover with a skull on it to reveal a black motorbike with wheel spikes and a built-in speaker playing Nine-Inch Nails that was impossible to turn off. "It... uhhh... it suits you I guess?" Scoffed Donatello, pulling away _his_ super high-techcloak of invisibilitydust cover. It revealed a modified F1 car with missile launchers on the sides, which also had spikes coming out of them, both for aerodynamics, and for ripping through steel and flesh alike. There was also a big laser cannon behind the cockpit. "When the hell did you build that?!" Yelled Raphael, startled. Everybody gasped at his edgyness because nobody had ever said hell before as far as they knew, seeing as Donatello built a machine to erase their memory of the "Michael Bay" incedent. After they got over Raphael's extreme edgyness, it was Michael Angelo's turn to show his car. Kill me. His dust cover was just a bunch of towels and Justin Bieber T-shirts stiched together with barbed wire. He pulled it away to reveal a pizza delivery van with a bunch of pizza and weed in the back. The stereo was playing "But I got high" and some of the pizza in there was so old it was indistinguishable from the weed. Moving on. Quickly. Leonardo pulled aside his completely normal dust cover to reveal a completely normal Bugatti Veyron. Great car, but pretty boring. The last car was Splinter's. He didn't have a dust cover, and his car was completely coated in dust. Dust was his dust cover. He put it through a car wash, and it came out to reveal an old WW2 jeep. There was a very confused old veteran in the gunner's seat up top, who had gone through the car wash.

The racers were at the starting line and behind the wheel. One of Michael Angelo's stoned hippy friends was talking about where they would go, and an edgy emo held the "Starter pistol"

"The race begins here in the sewer! You will race through the sewers then up a ramp into New York, where one of Donatello's nerd friends has set up a portal to Death Road, in Bolivia! At the end of Death Road is the finish line! Three! Two! O- BANG! The edgy emo shot the stoned hippy in the face, then proceeded to shoot himself. And the racers were off! VROOM! Michael Angelo shoved some pizza in his mouth, then squeezed in a weed cigarette. Big mistake. The pizza was so old it had grown an undiscovered fungus. Michael Angelo was under the effects of it in seconds. His bowels gave way, his eyes literally bulged and a torrent of vomit, blood and mucus gushed from his mouth. The worst part? He had no idea. To him, he was with Santa and Master Bison, delivering beetroot pizzas to Jabba the Hutt, who was juggling golf balls which were screaming for mercy. He was high like never before. Saying he was "Trippin' balls" would be like saying Chuck Norris was quite strong. So of course he never felt the pain of glass shards shredding his flesh and smashing into a brick wall so hard his shell was reduced to crumbs and he turned into graffiti. Splat doesn't begin to describe it. The alligator living in the sewer was very happy, and had a lovely snack. Unfortunately for the other turtles, the mutagen in Michael Angelo's blood had some interesting effects on the poor alligator.

"Life is a dark abyss!" whined Raphael the edgy turtle. "Let me free you from it!" he yelled, pulling out a massive kitchen knife and throwing it at Leonardo's window. Leonardo simply ducked as the knife smashed the window, flew through the car, then smashed through the opposite window to hit the sewer wall. Leonardo grabbed his sword and swerved in so he was closer to Raphael, then stuck his sword through the smashed window and swung at Raphael, hitting the visor of his bike helmet and knocking him to the ground, sending The Edgycycle out of control and flying into a wall in a shower of sparks which ignited the fuel. BOOM! The bike exploded and Leonardo barely escaped, suffering severe burns, not to mention his car was pretty banged up as well. Raphael lay helpless among the burning debris, in immense pain. Leonardo never saw the giant mutant alligator that ripped Raphael to shreds, nor did he hear the screams.

"You're doing good, old man!" Yelled Donatello. "Let's see if you can still catch up with me after THIS!" Missiles flew at Splinter's jeep. Donatello sped off into the distance and up a ramp into the city. The confused war veteran fired at one of the homing missiles and it erupted in a storm of fire. Splinter drove up the ramp and into the city towards the portal. The confused war veteran shot at everyone and everything, causing complete mayhem. Civilians ran everywhere and screamed in fear. Nobody was safe from this idiot. The second homing missile was gaining fast. Leonardo had just come out of the sewers, and was catching up. Within seconds, Leonardo and Splinter were surrounded by police cars, just 20 meters in front of the portal that Donatello had just gone through. The missile was so close they could hear the whirring of the homing computer systems. Then the ground erupted. Concrete flew everywhere as the 30-meter alligator who'd had a second helping of mutagen burst from the ground and ate the missile. The 2 cars zoomed through the portal, Leonardo's Bugatti tumbling down the cliff with only enough room for Splinter's fat jeep.

"AHHHHHH!" He screamed as he fell. "I've been killed instantly by a horrifying plummet to my death!" He screamed as he was killed instantly by a horrifying plummet to his death. That was when Splinter heard the unmistakeable sound of a mutant alligator that had attacked New York and eaten a missile coming through a portal to the most dangerous road in the world.

So he floored the pedal. On Death Road. In a jeep. For some reason, he didn't fall to his death. He expertly turned to avoid the ravenous beast. The confused war veteran was shooting it, to no avail. That was when Splinter caught up to Donatello, who had converted his car into a jet. Donatello saw Splinter's jeep and, seeing that the finish line was only 1 and a half miles away, became desperate and dropped a load of oil on him and the alligator. The oil had blinded the confused war veteran, who was firing at random. Donatello dropped an incendary bomb, missing the jeep, but hitting the oil covered alligator. The flaming creature hissed loudly in pain, then fell off the edge.

Meanwhile, Splinter was spitting on his tail and wiping the oil off the windscreen, while driving by using his foot to operate the steering wheel with a small ammo crate on the accelerator. As soon as possible, he jumped back into the car and headed for the finish line, 100 meters ahead. Donatello dropped another incendary, this one made to stick to anything, but had to deploy evasive manuveors at the last second because he was shot at by the confused and now blind due to oil war veteran, who was still blindly shooting everywhere. Because of this, the incendary stuck to the bottom of his wing, blew up and ignited the engine. Splinter crossed the finish line, then turned to watch the firework show in the sky. The old rat in the crappy jeep had won.


End file.
